Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Iron Lady

I watched the movie The Iron Lady this evening.  You know, the one with Meryl Streep.  As a fan of history, I usually enjoy watching movies like this.  I did enjoy this movie.  If you had seen me about halfway through, though, you would have seen tears streaming down my face.  Was it because the movie was sad?  No.  Was it a romantic movie that required crying? No.

I cried because the movie portrayed a woman who after years of service and the loss of a husband continued to see the husband in her daily life.  She was loosing her mind but her husband, the love of her life, was still with her.  I cried because that is what I want.  I'm bound to have dementia in my old age (both grandmothers have it) and will probably be that little old lady in the nursing home that swears like a sailor because I don't know how to control what I say anymore.  It sounds crazy but I would be okay with loosing my mind to the present world as long as the love of my life was by my side in my dementia imagination.  I really would be okay with that. 

I'm back to crying again, darn it, because I have to let this idea go.  It won't happen to me.  Marriage requires 2 people to agree to the marriage.  I may want to marry a guy but if he's not okay with the idea, I'm out of luck.  Yes, this is hard to accept but I can't force the person to agree with me.

I've been trained and raised to be a wife and mother.  Sometimes I just feel useless because God doesn't want me to use my training.  I don't get it.  I'm trying to understand but I just don't.  

Singlehood Ho! 

Sister Jane 

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